Hello to all ~ I am a newbie here, have questions running through my mind and it would be great for people "in the know" to chime in. One thing I have to point out right away, is that I am prone to writing what ultimately can't be considered a message, rather it turns into a short story! (yes, my online messages seriously do get that long) So if I come across as unfriendly or short with what I write, that's why - I'm going to attempt to keep this less than 10 pages long. Okay so - I have such a long back story that there is no way I can possibly even begin to "go there" all at once. My son - his name is Lynkin, and he is going on 15 months old - was born premature, and spent the first month of his life in the NICU. I missed the "window" for circumcision by one day (literally) and at that point, learned that circumcision couldn't take place until he was a year old. When that year came up, I couldn't begin to put him through that (surgery). But his pediatrician hasn't told me anything at all about how to care for a child who is not circumcised! I realize that I could coast around online to get basic information, but would much rather ask those who actually have experience with this versus cold, factual volumes of information that may not even make any sense to me. I understand that at some point (not that I have any clue when this is supposed to happen) the foreskin becomes loose and hygiene becomes different than it is now. Help. ?!? Next up, is organic versus non organic foods. I've seen that as I am moving on to different stages of food (am referring to Gerber foods), there is more variety within the organic line. Does it make any difference if the two - organic & not - are combined? I don't mean mixed together; rather, if one day his dinner is organic and the next it isn't. Does this even matter? I'm sorry if I sound not very smart, but these are things that I have no knowledge of at all! Final question is the difficult one, and I'm so adrift that it's making me literally nauseous to think about. I am 38 years old, Lynkin was born wheN I was 37. I'd long since been told that due to chemotherapy treatments (not for cancer, I have MS and chemo is an aggressive treatment for it) I was infertile and would never have children. By then, I had no illusions that I'd ever have a baby. As a result of this belief, I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was 6 months along. Believe me, there are all kinds of reasons as to why it didn't even occur to me, that I could be pregnant. It was shocking to say the least. I had to stop working in 2004 as the MS became very disabling, and I couldn't live on my own so I'm at home with my parents. Lynkin's father isn't in the picture, by his own choice (believe it or not, it's because he doesn't like the name I chose for the baby - we weren't even dating at the time, so I didn't feel obligated to consult him). Due to my health situation, caring for a newborn was not remotely easy for me. I did so, with a lot of help from my parents (mom in particular). Now, 15 months later, my health is no better but actually, slightly worse. This has kept me out of the more active parts of Lynkin's life. Now, when he needs comfort? He goes to grandma. He wants to play, he wants attention, he finds something interesting... He goes to grandma. And this is destroying me. The pain I feel all the time is becoming overwhelming to me. I never wanted things to be the way they are, and even though I'm always there and always involved, it's as if I'm on the sidelines as an onlooker. I don't think Lynkin attaches any significance to the word "momma" - he thinks that's just what I'm called, much as the dog is called Tinker. This is breaking my heart and I don't know what to do. I can't miraculously change the course of the disease. I'm trying very hard to do everything I can do, to make certain that my son has a very happy life (he does) and has everything he could possibly need or want (he does). But... This is going to sound very "poor me" and still - what about what I need or want? I need and want my son to know that he is MY SON, that grandma isn't his mother. I don't want to hurt her, she adores Lynkin as if he is her own child. With things the way they are? Decisions are never mine to make. I buy a toy for him, my mom determines it's not safe (of course I buy age appropriate toys that I've checked out for safety and so forth) and it is put away. I buy a variety of foods for him, and mom decides that he probably won't like it so it's never given to him to try. Or the finger foods are things she isn't comfortable with, so they are shoved to the back of the cupboard and go untouched. She doesn't want him to be out in the yard because it's a little bit too cold (or, a little bit too warm) and he doesn't like the feeling of grass on his feet. Am I getting the issue across here...? Lynkin is my son, and the choices and decisions I make are overriden on a regular basis. How can I complain, when she (and my dad) gives up so much time in which she is actually retired and can do whatever she wants? She sacrifices a great deal for my son. I don't know how to become vocal about my decisions and choices being important, and not subject to unilateral changes. Seriously, this is destroying me. I have a son - but, I have a son who really has no clue who I am other than someone who is in the same household. I have absolutely no clue what to do, how to handle any of this. I know I can't live with the situation, the way it is. If anyone has thoughts here, please please share them with me. It's very fitting to (this), as I sit here sobbing and afraid that one of my parents will hear me and I'll be cornered to offer reasons why I'm upset. My son is a beautiful, happy baby - what if I try to change things and that happy baby disappears as a result?

I don't know what to do. It hurts. So much.

So much for my ideas to keep this short. I apologize for that. And I offer my best to everyone out there. Thannk you for reading this.

wow that was long! LOL As far as circumcision, i didn't know there was a cut-off time (pardon the pun) that he had to wait. my son was done i think the day after he was born. but there does come a point (i think toward teen age) that the foreskin grows over and it needs to be peeled back and cleaned very well. some guys wait and get circumcized at 18 years old.

organic foods - no idea we never used them

even though your parents are great with him, he is still your son. you need to sit down and have a real heart to heart with them about exactly what you posted here. the toy came from you, give it to him. forget what they say. you want him to have a particular snack (without choking hazard) give it to him. he is your child and it seems everyone is forgetting that. take a little extra time (battle through the pain) and go to something fun with him, just you and him. read certain books to him that focux on kids and mommies (and reinforce to him you are his mommy) as far as not going outside and liking grass, neither of my kids did either but its a phase. they didn't like the sand at the beach either. Good luck!

Circumcision - I believe the age cut off is for the trauma to him the younger they are the less they remember.
Organic and not - I do not see why it would matter if you mix it like you said one meal organic one not and so forth.
As for your parents that is your child all final decisions are yours and you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with them this should not hurt them.

First of all huge hugs sweetie!!

Circumscion, none of my 3 boys are done, it is not a popular surgery here, considered cosmetic and nothing else. Cleaning is quite simple, at his age you just go over it with the body wash like you would the rest of his body, no biggie. do not pull the foreskin back to try and clean it, the foreskin works so that anything in there moves itself out and you do not need to do a thing at this age. When he gets a bit older, I think my oldest son was 5 or 6, you start showing him how to gently pull it back a little bit to clean with a damp washcloth. Get him into the habit of doing it everyday so that it becomes routine like brushing his teeth. I really have to stress that not being circumsized is not the end of the world there is no magic age where it is going to grow over and become painful, that happens in a very very small percentage and those are the ones that do have to get circumsized later in life. If you teach proper cleaning habits to him then it should never be an issue. I won't get any more long winded in it but if you have any questions further about the care of it then feel free to private message me.

Organic foods, use them both if you are getting more variety. There is no reason that he can't have organic one night and not the next unless your whole household eats only organically and doesn't want to change.

Now for your family, it sounds like your parents are wonderful people and very loving, and you know that they are too. I would assume you are pretty far in the stages of MS? My friend has MS and even in the relatively early stages she still has quite a bit of difficulty when she has flare ups. Can you sit down and talk to your Mom? Tell her honestly that you love her and are so appreciative of how much she has helped you but that you feel like an outsider to your own child. Perhaps together the 2 of you can find ways to incorporate you more so that he is going to you for his hugs and snuggles. And for decision wise again I would suggest the same thing, sit down and talk openly to her. Just tell her how you feel about how your decisions regarding his care are overridden so often and perhaps she will see what she has been doing. It could be that she is just so focused on taking care of him for you, thinking that this is what she needs to do for you, that she doesn't even realize how it is making you feel.

Lastly I am glad that you found BOL for your questions, we have the most amazing group of women online that I have ever come accross, you need support and you will definitely get it from everyone here.

Hi Debi!

Welcome to BabiesOnline! I'm so sorry about your situation, but I want you to know that BabiesOnline is a great resource for information and support. We are here for you!

As for circumcision, I don't have a son but my husband is not circumsized. He has never had any problems with infections, and he does not pull back the foreskin to clean. The reason for the foreskin is to keep the penis clean and protected, so let nature take it's course and don't worry about doing any extra cleaning in those parts. Maybe it sounds weird that I know that, but we discussed it in a lot of detail when I was pregnant, before we found out we were having a girl. I wanted to make sure I was making an informed decision about it... And if I should have a son in the future he will not be circumsized because I feel that it's a choice HE should be able to make...

As for the organic foods, I wouldn't worry about mixing them. They are the same thing - the only real difference is the way the fruits/veggies etc are grown.

I think you need to sit down with your parents and tell them what you wrote here. The way you've worded it is wonderful, it is very clear that you love them and greatly appreciate what they do for you, but you seem to be feeling left out. Don't let it go on for too long, the longer you go feeling like this and not saying anything, the more possibility there is that you could be harbouring resentment toward your parents and maybe even your son - so nip it in the bud ASAP. You are right to feel that you should be #1 in your son's life... you ARE his mommy.

I do want to tell you something though that might make you feel better... I have the same feelings sometimes!! My situation is very different, I am married and a stay at home mom, but I take a back seat to daddy the minute he walks through the door. Once daddy is home, Rayna wants nothing to do with mommy... She wants daddy to play with her, feed her dinner, give her a bath. I have to admit it makes me feel sad, and sometimes angry.. I am the one who feeds her and cleans up after her all day, I change her diapers and entertain her, why does she seem to think I drop off the face of the planet when daddy comes home from work? Of course, I know she loves her daddy and probably misses him a lot when he is at work, but I wanted to tell you that because I think a lot of moms feel that way regardless of their situation. Just remember that your son loves you, and I'm sure he knows you are his mommy... But I do like the idea of reading books and one actually I'd like to recommend... Mercer Mayer's "Mommy and Me" is a wonderful book, and for a single parent situation it's perfect. I love Mercer Mayer, he has a good range of fun stories that talk about serious subjects - single parenting, adoption, potty training, etc... And, even if he's too young to understand the point of the stories, he'll love to sit on your lap while you read him a story before bed.

Sorry that was so long-winded... Hope it helps.

I agree with Adrienne about what she said about your parents...I think you just need to have a heart to heart with your mom. I understand they want to help, but just because you have a physical handicap that flares up doesn't mean you can't make decisions about his care.

Hi and welcome to BOL...

I agree with Andrienne about your parents.

Circumsicision Alex's was done at 6 months since his was not done due to he was put up for adoption. and at 1st his DR said that most insurances consider it cosmetic not unless it is needed. and a pbaby uroligst said he needed it done. The 1st day was rough trying to change his diaper it took the both of us to change them..

But welcome welcome welcome to BOL.

Hugs.. welcome to BOL!

WOW. That was long. I have a few friends with MS and I am amazed with the condition you are in that you typed all that.

Dont know much about circumcision- you will have to ask your doctor. Cleaning his parts are basic...make sure the skin is pulled back and cleaned.

Sounds like you have a great family. Try changing your perspective on your son going to your mom. Not easy I know...but look at it this way, thank GOD you have wonderful parents that love him and you. Thank GOD you have THEM for him to go to instead of a foster parent. Best of luck....and welcome to BOL.

First off, I want to say than you for the reponses to my initial post. It really felt good (and unusual) to know that those feelings had been read and deemed as important to others... I'm not, by any means, trying to win a popularity contest in regard to my son - yet it is comforting to know that I'm not hugely off base with my feelings about my parents and their influence over me (and by default, my son).

It's likely that I should be walking before I run here - because even after being on message boards & writing email & all that for years and years now, I'm looking at this blank screen in front of me and realizing that I probably should have figured out how the boards here work (in regard to technical aspects) before I posted. When I was scanning over my own initial post, and watching this monstrosity just go on and on... and on... It occurred to me that I should have tried to get brass tacks information first. I'd never write one big run on paragraph like that, I promise! Apparently, what I'm seeing on my screen and what ends up being posted, are 2 different things.

Is there a particular place I should look, to get that info? I have a tool bar here, but the majority of it is "ubbcode" and - I actually don't even know what that is. Nothing I've had anything to do with ever, has had that referenced in particular. So I don't exactly know what to do with it. If anyone cares to offer assistance with that issue, I'd really appreciate it. Further, I'm sure that no one wants to read another monster paragraph like the first one I posted. I'm actually kind of embarrassed by it; writing is about the only thing that I take pride in so - while it's true that I "didn't know any better" that is my own fault. I didn't take the time to know better, I was just anxious to get my post out there so the avenue was open for feedback.

I'm guessing that this will show up as another post within the same conversation thread that I started. Obviously, I don't need to respond to my own message! I don't think that replying to another person's post will be too difficult to figure out - but, I'm not sure how to reply back to a person who responded to my initial post. As in, write a private message that won't be posted to the board. I need to figure out how to do that! I hesitate to write more here, because again there will be this run on mess and I don't want to add any more to it.

So again - thank you to those who wrote. And, if anyone can either help me out with using the system on these boards, or direct me to the right place to get that information - I would be very appreciative. I'd like to stick around for a while, from what I'm seeing the people here are pretty neat, people I wouldn't mind getting to know better.

My best to all! ~ Debi ... and Lynkin

Good to see you back Debi! Don't even worry about the long paragraph, we all end up doing it sometimes. I don't know why it would have shown up differently on your screen then when it posted. To switch to a new paragraph I just hit enter twice then continue typing and that always works for me.

To PM a member just click on their username to the left of the screen and a drop down menu will appear, click on Invite (username) to a private topic. A posting form will pop up and just go ahead and type your private message in and hit submit.

To reply to someone directly within a forum message, you can either just type there username so that they know you are replying about there answer to you, or you can attempt to quote them. Unfortunately since Groupee did the last updates the quote icons are invisible though. They are located in the bottom right hand corner of every persons reply. If you hover over the area you should be able to see your cursor change and the text pop up. One is to quote and the other is to report inappropriate content. The quote will be on the left and report on the right. I hope that makes sense and doesn't end up confusing. It is hard to explain when the buttons aren't even showing anymore. LOL

If you have any other questions about how things work feel free to ask them. Someone will definitely have an answer for you whether member or moderator.

Hey Deb So sorry to hear your problems

Ok on the circumcision My son Charlie was also born prematurely and stayed 25 days in the NICU, He had his done at 3 months, And let me tell you it sucked.. I was in the room for the procedure which they do not recommend but my Dr at the time did not give me the option not to be. And he did a bad job. He did not cut enough skin off. So now it is like it was never done, He is now 8, he has no problems with it.

Organic vs non organic I don't think it matters if you combine the 2.

as for your folks, it sound like they(she) loves your DS a lot. Just simply tell her that you appreciate all her help but he is your son and you would appreciate it if she did not override you! I have had to tell my mom that a few times, she will understand. If she doesn't just simply ask her if she would of liked it if her mom overrode her all the time.