I don't know what to do with ayden...grrrrrr. he goes to school and still pee's and poop's in his pants! The teacher thinks that he just gets distracted playing and doesn't think to go to the bathroom in time but I'm not so sure that he doesn't do it on purpose. He will do it at the house too! The other day we told him to get dressed out of his PJ's so he starts to take off his pull-up (sleeps in them still) and decides that he needs to pee, pulls it back up and stands there and pee's in it while standing right outside the bathroom door! I seriously don't get it!!! I could swear he wets his pants sometimes just to make me mad...or when he wants to wear something different.

He also throws these fits when he gets mad where he will hit, kick, scream, cuss, etc.... He did it at school the other day because someone was in his seat (they have name tags on the table for their seats) and he got mad. The daycare called me to tell me to come get him that they couldn't have him there acting like that. I was in the middle of something and gave them things to try and they eventually told me to hold on and transferred me back to the classroom and the teacher back there spoke with me. I ended up explaining to her that ayden is going through a lot and wasn't taking well to my (at the time) fiance being gone for the past month and that he was coming back that day. She eventually puts me on the phone with ayden and he calmed down in less than a minute of me speaking to him and was able to stay the rest of the day. So I don't know if they just didn't approach him right or if it was what I said to him on the phone that calmed him down? It used to happen at the old daycare and they just separated him until he was calm...most of the time it happened before nap time or lunch and he was fine after lunch and a nap. I understand the cussing is our fault but there are 4 adults in this house and 2 of them I have no control over their language even though we have asked them to watch it, not saying me and my husband don't cuss like sailors at times too...he has plenty of chance to pick it all up. Sometimes hard not to laugh though when he uses the words correctly (i know that's bad, he started saying them when he was like 2 and used em where they would go....he never just blurts them out). He throws the same tantrums at the house though and I can't control him without hurting myself. I try and get him to calm down and use his words as to why he is mad instead of screaming "I hate you", "your stupid", "I don't want to/I wont", etc...kinda things over and over at the top of his lungs.

Please someone...anyone...any ideas?
I have tried counting backwards from 10 for him to calm down before he is in trouble, counting to 3 before he gets a spanking (doesn't phase him at all, he screams before you touch him but he doesn't care you did it), tried time out w/ 1min per yr of his age, tried taking away toys (when he throws them or wont stop whatever he was told to stop with them), etc...
IDK what else to do at this point...I can't have him kicked out of another day care and I can't keep dealing with him acting like this at home...hubby deploys in Nov and I need him under control before that.

As for teh potty issues get rid of teh pull ups or go and take it off as soon as YOU are up. He knows he can pee and poop in them and does so. Also when he has a accident dont fuss just ina monotone voice tell him" oh you had a accident heres a wet wrag and clean clothes clean yoru self upa nd get dressed again" MAKE HIM DO IT. Walk out and dont look back. He may make a mess but in t ime will get tired of it and stop.Maybe even before hand take him and show him a drawer in the bathroom where youve put clean undies and a wipe box with wet wash rag. Explain ahead of time what HE has to do if he has a accident. that way you remove your attention form him when hes done it. Id also malke a sticker chart and he gets 1 for no accidenst and a sad face if he has one. Then at the end of the week when hes had no accidents maybe a trip to mcds etc.

He takes it off soon as he is up and gets himself dressed. When he has an accident he has to take his clothes off and put clean ones on. Only thing i cant seem to get him to do is wipe himself...it's driving me nuts that every time he has an accident or poop's i have to stop and go wipe him. he also asks even at home to go to the bathroom instead of just going...idk i dont get it at all

I have a 4 year old who can throw a pretty good fit too! I just tell him he's too big to act like that and I put him in his room until he's done. He can't come out until he apologizes and tells me what he's going to do differently now. He doesn't do it too often, but that seems to stop it when he does. I also make sure I'm not being emotional about it. I try to be very matter of fact. I would say whatever you do, just be consistent and don't get emotional (I have a hard time with that part lol). Not sure about the peeing/pooping, but it does sound like a oontrol issue. Wishing you good luck, I hope he passses out of this soon!

If we close the door on him he goes even more nuts and really looses it. He will beat the s*** out of the door till you open it. Hard part where we are now is when he does it at night trying to keep him from waking up the room mates 1yr old son sleeping down the hall....during the day it just scares the poor kid.

Maybe you could talk to a counselor? It sounds like you're up against a wall with him. I'm sorry to hear that!

I like Marybeths idea of maybe recruiting some outside help. It sounds like you have exhausted all options of dealing with the issues yourself so maybe someone else can give you some good ideas.

I`m with April and Marybeth. Obviously something is not sitting right with him.It can`t hurt to have a talk with somebody about all the issues you are dealing with.

Its a good idea to get outside help. one thing my sister leaned was to have consequences for action. So when my nephew is about to throw a fit she reminds him of his opportunities and usually tells him his favorite is the first to go.

Now all she does is say ok """ we are going to the store remember what privleges you have. I will start with the birthday party then the sleepover if you act up. He is pretty well behaved. And she also took everything out of his room but a mattress until he learned to treat things nice.

I did take him to a counselor and they pretty much said there was nothing they could do this young. I had a whole list of them to call that were covered by his insurance and only found one willing to even talk to me about him because of his age, most wont see them until age 5-6 at earliest. I think I'm going to loose my mind. ugh!

You have to be kidding? Did you talk to your pediatrician? Maybe they can get you a referral.

his pediatrician recommended it but said she didn't know if we would be able to find one for him so young

I had all those similar problems with Jeremy & he ended up being ADHD & ODD, I would speak to your Dr as they should be able to help point you in the right direction at the very least!

If the counselor wouldn't help then I would go to a large church in your area and talk with the children's director. They can often times offer discipline ideas instead of spanking. I believe in spanking when it is effective. It isn't really working for you. A book you might try that I am reading now is Love and Logic for little kids. We all know how much we love our kids but sometimes they sure make it hard. This book helps you set up expectations early so don't get angry when he starts misbehaving.

sorry I ran out of space....You will already know what to say and he will know the consequences. I know it is hard it the heat of the moment especially when you need him to be quiet. Good luck and just keep trying new things. One thing that helped me was to remember that my kids aren't doing it to ME. They are being kids and I here to teach them what is right and that can be a very hard job.

Maybe I'll check that book out. I've got a bad temper and I'm really good about just walking away from him when I get mad, he can wait 5min for me to come back and talk to him. I never spank him when I'm angry...my mom took her anger out on me and that's not right, so if I can't do it in a controlled manor I sit him in a chair and come back to talk to him when I can not scream at the top of my lungs or doing anything I'd feel I shouldn't have later. Even though I have that control I still need a way to get through to him.

Could he be behaving this way due to the problems between you and your husband? I hope things get better.

It's possible but he has always been this way he just get's worse sometimes, not to say that's not it because me and my mother used to go at it just like me and my husband do at times.

We had a LOT of problems with Liam about a year ago when things were really stressful around the house. I don't know what your situation is at all, but I can definitely sympathize with what you are dealing with. Liam didn't start to calm down until I fixed my stressers. Now he's easier than ever. I suppose that doesn't really help too much, except to just remember that you will get through this and remember that it will get easier.

I can only offer you some big cyber hugs! ((hugs))

I have dealt with this same thing with my daughter. She was diagnosed with a high impulsive form of ADHD and ODD. It is nerve wracking!

As for the pottying.. been there too. Sandra would go in the pullup instead of the bathroom. Drove me nuts. I started only using the pull-ups for night time. Lots of laundry..ugh!

She is 11yrs old and still wets the bed on occasion. My friend's boys wet the bed until they were 14! My neighbors son would pee in the potty but not poo. He had to have a pullup or diaper on to go.

Kids do strange things.

Good luck!