If I should continue to nurse or not. I have a hard time giving my baby 'second best' but I am finding nursing to be increasingly inconvenient during the day. I am not overly comfortable nursing in public so I have been working my day around Lily's eating schedule, and that plus Rayna's napping schedule has left me stuck indoors most days.

I have (I'm pretty sure) been suffering PPD and although that's not a good excuse, I have turned to smoking a couple cigarettes through the day to try to offset some of the crazy outbursts - and it's been working. I pump and dump until 6 hours after my last smoke because I don't feel comfortable feeding Lily with that milk - I have looked it up online and found that most medical practitioners feel it's still better to smoke and breastfeed than to give formula, but I also found that nicotine is significantly reduced in breastmilk after 3 hours so to be safe I wait the full 6 hours. Anyway, this isn't what the post is about, I know I shouldn't be smoking at all but if it helps me be a little nicer to my older child and feel a little better through the day I feel justified.

I do feel guilty about the smoking, but I feel more guilty about wanting to quit breastfeeding, and I don't feel like I have good enough reasons. I have done a lot of research on formula vs. breastmilk and found a lot of good reasons to continue nursing, even if it's just part time.

It seems like Rayna acts up most while I am feeding Lily because she knows I can't get up to give her a time out. I did get up a couple of times to prove my point to Rayna but then Lily didn't get a good feed and I find once I break the latch if the boob isn't really full she has a tougher time getting back on.

Now that it's summer I REALLY want to enjoy alocholic beverages in the sun on the weekends, I have two weddings to go to which I would like to be able to drink at. I don't have a problem with alcohol but I hate not being able to drink, especially when I have the ability to just pump and dump. I never touched a single drink or cigarette during my pregnancy but now that I do have that ability I find it a lot harder not to.

I am a huge coffee drinker and although I have kept it minimal I am definitely feeling those effects. I am soooo tired halfway through the day that I can barely function, I really need my afternoon joe but it seems to make Lily fussy between 8-10pm if I do and thats right when Rayna goes to bed and I like my quiet time!! Not worth it, most days... I also like to eat a lot of garlic, which seems to upset Lily's little tummy.

All in all I guess I'm just complaining because I hate having to modify so much for so long... I was really "good" during my pregnancy and the first 6 weeks of nursing but now I am finding it sooo inconvenient. Maybe it's just a phase that will pass? I am afraid to stop altogether because I do enjoy nursing at night, we co-sleep after the first feeding halfway through the night and I enjoy that cuddle time. I guess I could still do that with a bottle... My biggest setback is that I really honestly just feel like I am doing my baby a huge injustice and being selfish by not bucking up and just breastfeeding her for her own good. I'm so stuck!!! I want my baby to have the best but I want my body back!!!!

I am sooo sorry you are having a rough time. I quit smoking when I got pregnant with Ainsley and only had a few after she was born and before I got pregnant. It's been awhile so I have not researched the smoking and breastfeeding info.

As for the drinking...I've read to wait 90 minutes after your last drink and you should be fine as long as you aren't feeling the effects...so that is what I do. I start my drink while nursing or immediatley afterwards so I have plenty of time.

The breastfeeding with a toddler who doesn't get it being around is sooooo hard! I feel your pain! I know its probably awful, but I give Ainsley her favorite treat while I'm nursing Amelia and DH isn't around to distract her. She will sit down and eat it and then usually plays shortly alone afterwards before she pays attention to us again and that usually buys me enough time. Maybe give that a try.

As for being modest and not liking nursing in public...I was that way at first, now I just have learned just not to care...and I'm not very graceful at covering myself and doing it in public...I'm bound to flash someone soon enough!

Either way...whatever you decide you know we will support you! I know its a hard choice to quit!

I would still call and talk to your dr. There are things you can take and be safe nursing. At a min try them before you give comepletely up. Then if the smoking is theonly thing that works youll know you tried everything else!

And as far as the foods you like why not sya ok tuesdays ill have something with that and either pump and dump or do it early enough in the day so it does effetc Lily. As for as coffee have you tried half reg have decaf? Maybe just reducing the amount of caffine may be enough.

I would go part time, thats what I did with Troy when I had to go back to work, I BF him until he was about 6 months old but in the evenings only, and you still feel very close and bonded with them while you can have your body back to do what you need to during the day. Any BM is good BM you are doing all you can. Either way, I too support you! Hugs!!!

Thanks for the support & suggestions girl... I am going to keep BFing at least part time until I am absolutely sure I don't want to anymore. I felt really guilty after I stopped BFing Rayna and I really don't want to feel that way again, especially with the PPD. The last thing I need is another thing to feel crummy about.

Everything I have read points to BFing as being the best thing... I even found an article that said BFing is #1, pumping & bottlefeeding with breast milk is #2, bottlefeeding with someone else's breast milk is #3 and formula is the last-resort #4... LOL!! I think that was la leche though. They are REALLY pro BFing... But I did the research and it makes sense to keep BFing. At least as long as I can...

Lauren, did you pump during the day to keep up your supply or did you have enough for night time feedings?

I didn't have to pump because I didn't wanna leak during the day KWIM I didn't want my milk then so I didn't do anything for it to come but, I nursed after work and all night and in the morning before I left which only left him with MAYBE 3 bottles of formula or pumped milk a day which is not bad, that really worked for our family and can imagine it would help yours even if you let Rayna kinda help with the feeding like holding the bottle for you or something, you know make them closer and DH could help and take some stress off you without you feeling like you let Lily down you know!

I have a very good pro BF friend, and her DH is deployed, and she smokes. And nurses. Not at the same time, but she does not pump & dump. And she smokes like 4 or 5 a day.

As far as drinking, if you want a drink, HAVE ONE! It isn't going to affect the baby. I have no idea how many times I would sit down in the evening and have a drink or 2 after dinner, starting when I was feeding my babies. I'd pour a drink before I started nursing like Mell. I did that a few times a week. And as far as the weddings, that is easy! Just pump before then so you have some extra, or use formula, and drink the night away! A night or 2 here and there is not going to affect your supply if you don't nurse. Everyone needs a night off here and there.

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I'd pour a drink before I started nursing like Mell.

Such a classy picture isn't it...but totally worth it!

Oh yes!!! I loved sitting there sipping my strawberry margarita, as I sat down to nurse. My hubby used to comment about how that is only a "redneck thing"... but whatever!!! I got to have a drink! YUM!

First, go see your doctor about the possibility of PPD-do NOT go through that suffering in silence, I speak from experience babe.

As for nursing...my opinion is stick with it. you've have simply hit a point that I think every nursing mom does, feeling a pull for freedom. But doing that while going through PPD...later when you are feeling yourself again, you may truly regret the decision to give it up. So wait it out. Adrienne extended and tandem nursed, and she still had drinks and had fun. Nothing wrong with a pump and dump every so often. Pump you milk out BEFORE you have that drink. That way while you are pumping and dumping the next feeding, she is having breastmilk from a bottle.

Did you know you have the option of pumping all the time and feeding her from the bottle? Think over your schedule and Why not put her to the breast mornings and evenings, and then afternoons while you're out she has breastmilk from a bottle? It does not have to be booby all the time. Try the football hold with Lily when Rayna is acting up so that you can get up easily with Lily still attatched, or nurse while she is in a sling so you can easily get around.

Hugs girl, I do not want to sound pushy at all. Just from experience and having watched other moms on here go through it when I was, you are a totally normal mama, with totally normal emotions about it. But I think you may regret giving it up down the road, seeing as you do seem like you really enjoy nursing Lily, there are just factors in your life that make it tempting to give it up.

Huge hugs Jehn! I would first of all advise that you speak to your doctor about PPD there are safe medications that you can use for it. I had PPD with Justin and didn't do anything about it until he was 6 months old, I almost ruined my marriage because of that.

I smoked while nursing Sean, not at the same time we only smoke outside, but I still smoked it is definitely something that helps relax you. don';t ever feel guilty for that hun. Smoking and breastfeeding is still just as good for her.

Drinking, well as others have said I would pop my first drink as I was nursing Sean, it doesn't travel to your breastmilk for awhile so why not get the start that way? LOL Kirk even took a picture of me with a cooler in one hand nursing Sean. I would do it at his last feed before "bedtime" Once he had that feed it was usually 4 to 5 hours before he woke up for another. Then I would have a few drinks and stop and be fine to nurse him when he woke up. Alcohol actually leaves your breastmilk fairly quickly. the rule of thumb is that if you don't feel the effects of the alcohol then you are fine to nurse. When I really wanted to get hammered I would feed him a bottle of expressed breastmilk.

Above all do NOT feel guilty! You are doing what is best for you and for Lily. If you decide to stop nursing then you have given her the very best start. there are many options for you, pumping and bottlefeeding, nursing part time and bottles the rest of the time, switching to formula. Whatever you decide to do will be the best choice for you and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.